Church Bass Player Black Sabbath

Church Bassist Spontaneously Combust After Playing Black Sabbath Riff

 

Christian orthodox church musician tragically burst into flames in front of entire church staff as he warmed up with classic Black Sabbath riff.

Port Gibson, MS – Mere seconds after warming up to the soul-chilling riff that begins the 1970 Black Sabbath song “Hand Of Doom” at the Saint Symeon Orthodox Church this past Sunday morning, Bassist Larry “Vicious” Thompson spontaneously combusted into a raging fireball, traumatized witnesses confirmed.

Clergymen, Father Lemko Sandovich said there were no signs or warnings, Thompson showed up to band practice his usual 30 minutes late. He simply plugged in his bass to the amplifier and started tuning the instrument. He then began loosening up to what I’m told was “Hand Of Doom” and about 20 seconds in, he burst into flames right there on the stage.

Within seconds, the fire totally consumed Larry, leaving only a charred pile of ash where the bassist had stood just moments before.

“We had been warning him to start warming up with some ‘After Forever’ by Stryper instead,” musical director James Langley told reporters as a cleanup crew worked to remove Thompson’s remains. “He was always working some ‘War Pigs’ or ‘Children Of The Grave’ into his warm-up routine, and it gave us all a really bad feeling to be completely honest.”

“There’s a reason the Good Book only allows out churches to sing from the liturgical texts,” Langley added.

One week prior in nearby Alcorn, Mississippi, fire crews were called to extinguish another blaze that was started when a church guitarist attempted a lick from “Electric Funeral.”

Black Sabbath Hand Of Doom · Live
Black Sabbath - Hand of doom

 

Black Sabbath · Hand Of Doom  · Lyrics

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* Based on the satirical parody originally posted on The Babylon Bee