Cure Any Hangover: Ozzy Gives Health Advice

Ozzy Osbourne’s “fail-safe” hangover cure has to be the worst thing ever!

For a short time, Ozzy Osbourne was the star health columnist in the British Sunday Times, understandably to much fuss in the international medical community. However, The Times argued that Ozzy’s multiple near-death experiences, 40 year history of drug abuse, and extreme hypochondria more than qualified him for the job. But of course, each article was stamped with the disclaimer…

Warning: Ozzy Osbourne is not a qualified medical professional. Caution is advised.”

So, you know, nobody gets hurt!

During his time at the column (which involved him answering health-related questions from readers), Ozzy divulged his “fail-safe cure” for a hangover at the bidding of one Rod from Canterbury. It read as follows:

“Q: Dear Dr Ozzy, in your experience, which alcoholic beverage delivers the least unpleasant hangover? As the festive season approaches, I’d like to indulge in the merriment while making the mornings after as bearable as possible.

A: You’re asking the wrong question. Trying to cure your hangover while you’re still drinking ain’t gonna have a happy ending, no matter what kind of booze you avoid. Alcohol is alcohol. If you drink enough of it, nothing on the planet can save you. And after the third glass, any rule you’ve made for yourself is gonna go straight out of the window.

What you should be asking me is how to treat the hangover. Over the years, I developed a fail-safe cure. Basically, I’d mix four tablespoons of brandy with four tablespoons of port, throw in some milk, a few egg yolks, and — if I was in a festive mood — some nutmeg. The second I woke, I’d mix it up and down it.

The way it works is very clever: it gets you instantly blasted again, so you don’t feel a thing. The only drawback is that, unless you keep drinking, the hangover that eventually catches up with you is about a thousand times worse than it would have otherwise been.”

I don’t know if getting “instantly blasted again” is the best advice for most, Ozzy, but cheers for the tip. I think I’ll “cut out the middleman” and go straight to the hospital instead!

Watch This! Got an embarrassing problem? Doctor Ozzy is now in!!!