This has got to be one of the looniest if not the funniest musical instruments for sale, Craigslist ads of all time. This dude rips on nearly everyone!
This was the heading…“If Your Favorite Band is Black Sabbath, I Can’t Sell this Guitar to You”
We’re not really sure what to think about this posting on Craigslist (which has since been pulled from the site, but “fret” not, we have a screen capture). How in the hell would any potential buyer takes this dude seriously? So, what do you do? Promise the guy you’re not going to play any doom metal riffs, then get home and immediately start filming yourself playing the slowest, most boring doom metal riffs imaginable and send him the video just to get in his head? This dude cannot be serious, who the f*ck doesn’t like a down-tuned Tony Iommi blasting through your brain?
The screen capture may be a little difficult to see for some of our mobile visitors, so we’ll do our best to break down the Craigslist ad below the image.
The guitar is listed as “REAL METAL guitar for sale—$400 (Union Square).
“It’s the X series, so it’s serious as shit,” the seller writes. “It’s not for wimp rock or doom metal. It’s only for serious riffs and metal.
“It’s from 1984 (most likely older than you or your favorite shitty bands). It plays Eighties metal perfectly—Kreator, Motorhead, maybe some Venom, Judas Priest, Randy Rhoads (but if you want to play Randy Rhoads, you should buy a Randy Rhoads, you scum).
“This guitar can also play Motley Crue and Megadeth. This guitar will be perfect for playing in a Motley Crue cover band (but you don’t, though, because you don’t have the chops).
“THIS GUITAR WILL NOT PLAY DOOM METAL. This guitar needs to play GOOD RIFFS and not BORING doom riffs. If your favorite band is Black Sabbath, I can’t sell this guitar to you. If you own a Fender or Gibson and want to upgrade, I can’t sell this to you (Ibanez Japanese guitars are the PRIME of guitar craftsmanship crafted by the ancient Japanese wizards—if you think otherwise, you haven’t played one of these HEAVY METAL BATTLE TANKS.)
“If you want to play REAL GUITAR RIFFS, this guitar is for you! If you have a Marshall full-stack in your bedroom, THIS GUITAR IS FOR YOU. If you say you are ready to buy this guitar and show up to buy it wearing a Mastodon shirt, I can’t sell it to you. I MEAN RIFFS, not some banjo jangle pentatonic shit. If you own an HM2, this guitar is perfect. You can get the perfect chainsaw distortion with these HOT HIGH GAIN RAIL PICKUPS. Real riffs only.”