Somehow, Iron Maiden fans have remained unaffected by the self-consciousness epidemic that continues sweeping the western world.
As legions of Iron Maiden fans rushed out to buy their favorite band’s beer just because they love their Maiden and also like beer, scientists marveled at their uprightness and dedication to the band and how it seems to have evolved into something much more than a general taste in music but a complete, undivided way of thinking. More of a family structure if you will?
Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies penned where he believes the minds of Iron Maiden fans dwell, and his findings were quite extraordinary, so take note!
“In an age where literally everything has to be arch, knowing, witty or retro, Iron Maiden fans somehow still don’t give a f*ck.”
“They just like their thing for what it is, their hairy backs aren’t a statement and when they wear double denim with a fanny-pack it’s in no way ironic.
“The rest of us will never achieve that level of enjoyment of anything, because our stupid aspirations have made us into dicks.”
Roy Hobbs, a 46-year-old Iron Maiden fan said: “I go to work doing a job I can’t even be bothered to describe, then I come home and eat either a pie or a casserole with my wife, who is also into Maiden, then we drink a couple of beers and listen to The Number of the Beast. “We’re very happy. Why wouldn’t we be?”
Hobbs confirmed that he had no opinion whatsoever about stick-on moustaches, retro gaming, boutique camping, dieting, banter, street food, or garlic presses.
Iron Maiden – Hallowed Be Thy Name (Live at Long Beach Arena)
Professor Brubaker continued: “Their houses may smell of feet and engine oil but they make everyone else in the western world look like pretentious twats.”
Special Thanks to: The Daily Mash & Maiden Revelations