The Westboro Baptist Church is back to their old tricks again. Only this time, they have planned a massive protest at the funeral of Iron Maiden drummer Nicko McBrain. There is only one problem with that; Nicko McBrain truly believes that he is not dead.
“The whole thing is bloody preposterous! I have a beating pulse….want to feel it?,” claimed Nicko McBrain to a roomful of skeptical reporters.
In spite of McBrain’s assertions, the Internet has been buzzed with articles about his passing into another realm. Facebook has registered over 10,000 “RIP Nicko” posts in the last few days. The Westboro Baptist Church has already flown more than 6,000 protesters to Boca Raton, Florida, where Nicko McBrain has his winter home and where the supposed memorial service is to be held next week. Yet, in the face of the overwhelming evidence, McBrain simply refuses to admit that he is dead.
“You wankers have got to believe me! I am alive! Bloody Muppets!” howled Nicko as he fended off two Emergency Medical Technicians who were trying to strap him down on a stretcher in order to be transported to the morgue.
The cause of death is yet to be determined and probably can’t be until McBrain agrees to an autopsy. So far, the drummer has flat out refused to be dissected. “If he is alive, then let’s have him prove it,” said Boca Raton Chief Medical Examiner Louis Buterra, “if we split him wide open and find out he’s telling the truth, we will immediately stitch him back up and send him on his way. Otherwise, he’s just being dishonest and completely wasting our time and taxpayers money.”
While many in the heavy metal world have grieved the supposed passing of Nicko, Westboro Baptist Church leader Ted Phelps has been overjoyed. Phelps, who believes that America is being punished for its acceptance of gays and lesbians and its tolerance for high amounts of fluoride in the water supply, has already arrived in Florida for the funeral. According to Phelps, “the decadent lifestyle and love of Satan preached by these British ne’er-do-wells has eroded the moral fabric of America.
Ted Phelps went on to say that he knows for a fact that “Iron Maiden’s lead singer, Ronny Halford, is an admitted homosexual and will burn in hell.”
At another Westboro Baptist Church rally held last month, Phelps announced that he had proof that heavy metal is a Trojan horse being used to turn America into a “breeding ground for the gay way of life”. “In my hand right now is a list of 205 homosexuals in the heavy metal!”
Many Iron Maiden fans have said they plan to attend the memorial service whether Nicko admits he is dead or not.
An after service dinner will or will not be held at the barbecue restaurant, Rock n Roll Ribs, owned by Nicko McBrain.
If you need help with travel arrangements, we highly recommend TripAdvisor.
Rock n Roll Ribs is located in the Coral Creek Plaza, 4651 FL-7 #1, Coconut Creek, FL 33073